Freedom for Vic!

We've been waiting for today for months! Vic has had a catheter for 2-3 months now, maybe more, and it has become constantly and increasingly uncomfortable for him pretty much all the time, ESPECIALLY when he tries to sit, no matter how many cushions he has. Most the time lately he ends up standing while he eats. So today we drove all the way to Murray to have Dr Caputo remove the cath. It's a long drive. I woke up with a headache, and it never really totally went away. By the time we got home, I felt more beat and exhausted than I had any right to for doing basically nothing but drive. I've called KFC and ordered dinner on my brand new Venmo debit card, and will leave soon to go pick it up. I guess that's all I have to say today!

MORE SAGA

Feb 21, 2021 Not much changing, really. Couple of small things. Vic finally went in for the CT scan we were expecting last week. It was so fast and painless. He was hoping that the tech would say, "OH, THERE THEY ARE (the stents)!" But he didn't. Neither did he show any concern - looks like the stents are where they're supposed to be. His surgery is this next Friday, the 26th. We were a day off. They haven't said anything yet about pre-surgery Covid testing, but we expect them to. Yesterday, Matt came over to show us a movie about the big housing and mortgage bust of 2008, (yeah, we experienced that, where every week a different company was taking over our home loan) and when Matt was leaving, Vic stepped out on the porch for less than a minute and a half, got chilled, and came back in shaking so bad he could barely adjust the thermostat. He climbed into bed fully clothed, and turned his blanket up to 6. I looked in on him, and he seemed peacefully asleep, so I let him be. He texted me a little bit later to go in and help him, and when I felt his head it was hot. Thermometer said 101.2, Later, it was 102.9. Then later back down to 100.5. I don't like to mess with fevers too soon, because they're important, and it hadn't reached a danger zone yet. We finallly heard from the Dr's female P.A. and she said he could take one tylenol. He felt that part of what was making him feel sick was the 2 days he's been w/out a bowel movement. He eats Activia yogurt, drinks Magnesium Citrate, and takes a stool softener, and was backed up anyway. She said she'd make an appt for him Monday morning to check for any infection. He's still feeling pain on urination. Sometimes the cath seems to be pinching, sometimes it's the urine. And it's still reddish-brown. So, fever or not, he needs to be seen. I do not see the advantage of keeping the cath AND the stents in this week. Even a few days with them out seems like it would feel so much better. BUT, he won't let them "search" for the stents again without being under a general anesthetic which can't happen in the doc's office. TOO painful. We keep thinking of his step-dad, who has apparently had a catheter for 2 years. blechk! I'd msg'd Sondra Hine earlier, who years ago was a nurse, and talked to her about his situation, and she ended up bringing over (at 9:15pm dark/cold night) 3 days worth of Herb-Lax, and natural Shaklee product that regulates the bowel - helps it ease off if you've got the runs, and helps move things if you're constipated. By this morning, Vic had had 2 BM's, and was feeling much better. His fever went away before he was too far asleep last night. Wonderful thing about Sondra: at first, she was going to bring the tablets over this morning, then she argued with herself, saying, "Well, I prayed for chances to serve...!" And finally decided to bring the Herb-Lax over last night. I didn't discourage her from bringing it last night, because I felt like it would make a big difference overnight for Vic. AND it did! I didn't sleep well - a little nerve twitch here, and cranky muscle there...I got up around 2 and made a tea and half PBJ toast. I remember seeing the clock showing 5:30, and drifting a little, then it was 6:30, and time to get up. I snoozed until 7, so I was present in Ward Council in spirit, but not in face. So right after it was over, I went back in and laid down with Vic, and we snoozed through Sacrament meeting. But woke up to hear Jay Gabbitas give the Gospel Doctrine lesson. I'm always a little surprised at what a good teacher he is. He talked about the 3 Witnesses to the Book of Mormon, and how they really WANTED to be the prophesied 3 witnesses, then Jay asked, "What are WE willing to do to be witness of Christ?" VERY GOOD food for thought.

More Vic Saga

Vic continues being a non-complaining soldier, bearing with his catheter, etc, but today really sucked. We've been waiting all week for today's supposed CT scan, thinking it would show the location of those mysterious stents. I think we were both hoping that, finding out where they were, there would be a possibility of their removal, along with the catheter. But after getting to the radiology dept of Utah Valley Hospital, the doc's order said it was an MRI. CT Scans are short and painless; MRI's can be tortuous. At best, they're absurdly noisy and rattley, and you have to hold still for up to 45 minutes to an hour. Vic was put in the smaller of 2 machines where the roof of the machine was just inches in front of his face, and the noise was hellacious. He made it about half-way through before he just couldn't stand it any more. He sometimes has claustrophobic issues, and after that long they really kicked in. Come to find out the MRI was ordered by Dr Voss regarding a small dark area in Vic's pancreas, and had nothing to do with the stents or the prostate surgery, and could EASILY have waited until after he's well on the road to recovery from that surgery. Anyway, now he knows that next time he gets an MRI, he needs a tranquilizer first. The radiologist did say that as far as they could tell in the MRI, they didn't see any stents. Whatever that means. So first thing Monday morning, Vic will find out WHERE we can go to get his CT scan, and get that scheduled. What an ongoing mess. We stopped on the way home & bought a new couple of leg bags, then went to Gandolfo's for sandwiches, which neither of us could eat, in spite of Vic having fasted for at least 4 hours before the MRI. Never again at Gandolfo's. The rest of the day we just hung around the house, me on the computer, and Vic on his recliner in the TV room - it's the most comfortable place for him to sit. It will apparently continue to be his main official sitting place until, and probably for a couple of weeks after, his surgery on the 25th. I need to record this awesome and tender thing that Lilian did night before last: Wednesday night, about 7:40-ish, I started hearing a really light tapping sound. I thought it was Vic with his cane (on the hardwood floor). But it kept going, just slow-ish taps, and it never got any closer. So I wandered from my office to the living room, and thought maybe someone was outside. I opened the front door and it was Lilian with soup & stuff from Kneaders. She was afraid we'd gone to bed and didn't want to bother us if we had. She'd been tapping on the front door for between 5 & 10 minutes, but never rang the bell or used the knocker. Just a little tap-tap-tap...So lightly I just couldn't figure it out! What a sweetheart!

January 31, 2021 - the Medical Saga of Vic's insides

OK, it occurs to me that I'm spending WAY TOO MUCH time in my own head. A good friend just reached out to me, and I nearly dumped all the tiny (& gross) details of the last several weeks on her. Can we say, "too much information"? NOBODY needs to know all that except maybe family and close personal friends. I edited and edited until it wasn't too gross before replying to her msg. Nothing about catheters, blood in the urine, etc. Vic is doing well-ish, considering that every step forward ended up setting him back several steps. Here goes, for posterity, or something: Over a year ago, he was about to have surgery for an enlarge prostate - 5 times bigger than normal, we just found out. Put on hold because of COVID 19. Then a couple of months ago, he developed a UTI (unusual for men), got an Rx for that, then began having blood in the urine, the UTI apparently exacerbated by kidney stones in both kidneys, so surgery for those, which involved inserting a catheter and stents that were supposed to bypass his enlarged prostate and drain the urine, all 3 supposedly being removed after a week, and the catheter was, but the stents ended up going missing and without the catheter, urine apparently began backing up into the kidneys and cause excrutiating pain. Back to the doc, re-inserted the catheter, and over the next few days felt somewhat better. Then we had a consult with the urologist who's supposed to operate on Vic's prostate, and he said, "Hey, I can remove that catheter AND the stents for you today, if you want!" It was too attractive an offer to pass up. BUT, he was unable to find the stents. I can only imagine how painful the SEARCH for them must have been! So, back in went the catheter to his now super sore & painful man-parts. He's scheduled for a CT scan in 5 days to try to locate the stents, and HOPEFULLY, the week after that, the actual prostate surgery, which will be the beginning of a NEW round of soreness recovery and another catheter "for about a week" so they say. All that is dependant on total personal cleanliness and avoiding any infection of the catheter site. Or any infection at all. His poor bod has really been through it. Feb 1, 2021 He's weak, and has nearly no appetite. BAD combination. He tells me each mealtime what sounds OK to eat, then often can't eat all of his portion of what I fix. He's losing weight - even his wedding ring just fell off. He seems to be getting weaker. It's pretty scary to me. The Bishop and John Fowler came and gave him a priesthood blessing this afternoon. But until Friday, we're in a holding pattern. I'm urging him to call Dr Henderson to see about having a "procedure" done sooner rather than later, to find and remove the stents, AND the catheter. I really hate to thinking of waiting nearly 2 weeks for his surgery, and that's IF they can find a surgeon that day for Vic. If not, it's 2 weeks AFTER that. Tomorrow Lilian's Clean Queen team comes in the morning, and we need them SO MUCH! We've been much more focused on Vic than any homemaking. One interesting thing is that I've discovered how much of MY slack Vic normally takes up now that he hasn't been able to do it. I told him this, and he said, "I wondered when you'd notice that!"

Some deep thoughts from Payson ward testimonies and YSA Stake Conference, et al.:

☣Bro Mathews (mouth cancer)
'I'm grateful for those who stand beside me in times of difficulty. I've learned that often they are dealing with greater difficulty than i am.
I'm grateful for the difficulties i have that I don't understand. I've learned that when i look back the difficulties paved the way for my greatest blessings.

☣Sister Pitts said she was thankful to have the Priesthood in her home, that she could wake her husband up at 1:30 AM and ask him to give her a blessing, and he SIMPLY said "Yes, id be happy to." Then he'd get up, put on a white shirt & tie in order to give her the blessing.

☣One of Misty's boys, bearing his testimony this morning, said, "This morning I want to talk about God's love. He loves all of you. The old and the young. The righteous and the wicked, and the in-between. He loves you all. (Small pause) It's even better if you go to church, and to the temple."

☣The Savior is closer than we dare believe, and kinder than we ___ imagine. Pres Roach, stake conf.
"Elder Eyring said to a small group of missionaries, "Jesus Christ is kinder than you imagine, and closer than we dare believe." That brings chills if you think about it."

☣3rd Nephi 31:20:
"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."

☣It's FE that enables us, or causes us, to step out of our comfort zone & do something we're not seeing every one else do; to not need to be "commanded in all things."
(Interesting factoid: FAITH in Spanish 'fe' is the elemental word for iron.)

***What am i going to do today to reconcile myself with Christ?

🔜Melvin j ballard, sacramental covenant

Scriptures.byu.edu
Maps.byu.edu

A sister police officer whose goal was to always have the Lord's image in her countenance.....There was a sister she knew who was addicted to prescription meds. She finally ended up at rock bottom in jail. She went into rehab and the day she got home 2 full - time missionaries knocked on her door. What they said sounded so familiar to her.  She took the lessons and was baptized. She had faithful and loving visiting teachers,  home teachers who visited more than once a month. A year later she was prepared to go to the Tempe. Her ward filled the chapel. They reflected back at the last time they had sat together, in jail, when this sister had been arrested.

***Elder Scott - prayer.  Found it was better when he just talked to the Lord rather than doing silent companionship prayer.
Answers come either yes or no or sometimes nothing for now. When that happens we should be grateful for the trust the Lord has in us. We can proceed according to the principles of the gospel. We will either feel the approval of the Lord or the stupor of thought.  God will not let us go wrong without warning us.
Nephi did not wait for the entire plan before acting. He went ahead and acted, without knowing beforehand that which he should do.
Never feel you are too unworthy to pray!
The most important principle about prayer is GRATITUDE.  IT WILL FILL US WITH PEACE.
Pray to your Father in Heaven,  and your life's work will be greatly blessed.
WANT A TRANSCRIPT OF THIS TALK!

Sister Wendy Nelson,  wife of Elder Nelson: Do you need some extra help in your life? She heard Elder Scott speak on FH work, and the protection it gives from the influences of the adversary. She believed him.
She prayed to find names of people who were ready to have their work done. Within the next three weeks she had many spiritual, even miraculous experiences. She learned 3 things.
1) they don't like to be called "dead".
2) they are anxious, even desperate to have their work done.
3) I forget....!

Elder Nelson:   lots of stuff abt the restoration. Malachi literally means My Messenger.
Do we believe in angels? Not the kind with wings that flutter around.  We believe in heavenly messengers and earthly angels. Near the end of his talk he said that he and Elder Scott, as Special Witnesses of Christ, wanted to leave those of us at that conference with an Apostolic blessing: Healing of those who were ill, love in our homes, inspiration in our callings, (he went on for several minutes enumerating different blessings they pronounced on us in this Apolostic blessing.)  It was super powerful!

Overcoming the distance between ourselves and the Savior is a personal battle.

"Although we could not emrace Suzie's choices, we could certainly embrace HER".
(Brent Nielsen, Talk in Gen Conf April 2015).

Notes from Provo YSA 183rd Relief Society

9-3-2016 President Uchtdorf, May 2016 Ensign "https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/he-will-place-you-on-his-shoulders-and-carry-you-home?lang=eng"
Just notes -
Alma 7:12...Aid infirmities - succor, means to run to your aid, i.e. "Succor them, according to their infirmities"
A great quote in the talk is "There is nothing good unless you do it."
RS discussion generally on when sisters had felt so alone and hopeless...Good discussion, very honest and humble. then spoke of loving the Lord NOT in order to gain blessings promised, but simply to LOVE HIM. Period. 
I KNOW that when we LOVE Him, no strings attached, freely, there is a peaceful joy that comes, with simply believing and trusting & loving the Lord. period.

Deeper Thoughts on the Atonement

     Vic and I have been called to teach the Payson 16th Ward Temple Prep class. I was really afraid they were going to call me to the Primary. So when Bishop Brimley said, "Temple Prep class", I was so relieved, and over the moon! We were going to be so great! We'd go to each of the "less active's" homes and visit them, get to know them, fellowship them into the class, into the temple, etc. 
     Haven't done that yet. There've been 3 classes. Vic was there for the first one, then the school year began to power up at BYU and he's gone to his YSA ward most Sundays. We taught the first class together, and it was great. The other two I've done alone; well, Oscar Arce was there the second week to explain a little about the questions that are asked in the temple recommend interview. Last week, it was just me and one other very cute and humble young, pre-mission student. We kept the door open and had class anyway. Sometimes smaller is better.
     So I've been feeling pretty guilty about all the personalization I haven't been doing, etc.
     Anyway, I've thought it would be cool to have a little thought or paragraph to send or take to the class members that don't make it to class. Nothing heavy-handed or preachy, but something hopeful. Something that might help them WANT to move forward and upward in their lives, and WANT to move in the direction of something better for themselves and their families and their future. And want to know how to do our part if we honestly want for Christ to change our nature. I handed this out to, well, Carter McClellan last Sunday (Actually, I can't remember whether I handed it out the 2nd Sunday or last Sunday.)

We can change our behavior. Our very desires can change. How? There is only one way. True change—permanent change—can come only through the healing, cleansing, and enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ."

- Russell M. Nelson
"Decisions for Eternity"

     For the 2nd class (2 young pre-mission men and a cute active couple with a tiny baby) I had felt impressed to talk about the Atonement; how it's BECAUSE of the Atonement that we can GO to the temple; how it's because of it that we have hope for, and the ability to, CHANGE from who we are or have been, to who we can and need to become. How the Atonement is not only for, "I've messed up so bad, please please please forgive me and help me be clean again", but for BECOMING so much more than we EVER were, or thought we could be! The Atonement is the empowering possibility to soar.
     [Not making lots of sense; this is pretty disordered. I'm just trying to get to the point I was at this morning as I sat down in Sacrament meeting in the YSA 183rd ward.]
"It occurs to me that probably the main reason I'm getting tired of working in the temple is that I'm largely going through the motions, as I do most days of my life. Going through the motions, as a song on Buffy said.
     If I want changes inside me; if I want to NOT be this same old tired me - tired, apathetic, depressed ME for the rest of my life, just getting older and older & tireder & tireder, etc, I've got to want to go deeper; to not just read the scriptures, but actively & enthusiastically DIVE in to discover what the Lord can reveal me to myself - SO THAT I can discover HIM.

*Study enabling & empowering power of Holy Ghost & Atonement

So back to Ether: 27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

I've struggled a little with wondering how it's such a good thing for Got to point out to me my weaknesses. I mean, there are already so many; it would help for Him to point out more? I think I wrote last time about that scripture and the issue of the Savior washing the disciples' feet. Peter objects, and the Savior says, "If I wash you not, thou canst have no part with me." 
     If we don't allow Him to show us our sins, we have no part with Him. 
See also D&C 95:1 whom I love I also chasten that their sins may be forgiven.

D&C 101:5 For all those who will not endure chastening, but deny me, cannot be sanctified.

Again, we NEED to change at a soul-deep and cellular level; we need the Atonement for the ability to rise higher than otherwise possible. 
Nature abhors a vacuum, and what is removed (sin & weakness) must be replaced with something higher and better. Here is a good place to insert a great lesson Linda Brimley gave me. She said that in the parable of the olive tree, the Master doesn't just toss out the bad branches. For every branch he cuts out, he replaces it with a new branch. She said the Lord doesn't expect us to just get rid of diseased stuff, but to replace it with better stuff. It's about balance.