Grateful for Answered Prayers

So I had a long talk with Kris Thursday morning. Earlier that morning when Vic went out to get in his car, he found a small folded piece of burnt paper with a bent paperclip that had apparently fallen out of Kris's car. It had a slightly familiar smell, like cigarette smoke but different. I was pretty sure it was a roach - a small makeshift device for smoking marijuana. I mulled it over in my mind, how to talk to him about it without putting him in a position where he felt like he had to lie. Before he came out to leave for work, I'd been studying some on the talk that Vic and I have been assigned for his High Priest assignment on Sunday, Be Not Afraid, Only Believe, by President Uchtdorf. 
So when Kris came out of his room, all ready to leave, I said, "Um, Kris, I need to ask you a question: What is that?" pointing to the roach. He went over an picked it up, kind of "Um"-ing, and didn't' turn around. I said, "Kris?" and sort of tugged on his shirt. He finally turned around and kind of resignedly said, "It is what it is. It's resin." Meaning the leftovers from having smoked pot.
So we got talking, and he said how he was really glad to finally sort of be forced to come clean with us, but there hadn't been the right time before. He was honestly relieved. 
We talked for a long time about lifestyles, like what he wants vs what we'd like for him. He saw no conflict between having a testimony of the church, and leading the lifestyle he wants, which is drinking when he wants, smoking the occasional joint, etc. I said that if he really had a testimony (which he has actually borne in testimony a few years ago), there would be an emotional and/or spiritual connect with that and wanting to live the gospel and take on behaviors that would bring him closer to his Heavenly Father, etc. He said how he really doesn't want to give up that much control of his own life. (Boy, did I fight THAT battle for years!) I said yeah, that can be pretty scary, and we talked a little about that famous scene in the third Indiana Jones where Indi had to step out from that ledge, even though he could see nothing to step ONTO, and how faith is like that. 
Then the talk I'd been studying came to mind, and I said, "You don't have to do it all at once. Baby steps! All you have to have is a tiny desire to even have a tiny desire!" 
We'd by then pretty much exhausted what needed to be talked about, and he said he didn't know what do do now, (not life-wise so much as right there in the living room.) I said how before at times in his life, when he was at odds as to which direction to go, I'd challenged him to ask Heavenly Father where he could be the most useful with his amazing talents, and to read the Book of Mormon. I challenged him again to read the Book of Mormon 15 minutes a day, asking every page or two whether a man could have written it by himself. He said, "I can do that." So he accepted the challenge.
Now Kris sometimes says the nice thing that he's expected to say, with no real FEELING of the commitment of following through, but it's a start. He said he'd sign into LDS.org to find the Book of Mormon and read on his phone. Please remember his in your prayers and your fasts.
After he left, I was like, WOW, does Heavenly Father answer prayers! Studying THAT talk, right THEN, was so great!
Then, later that day, Matt called, and was finally signed into FamilySearch! Months and months I've been telling him and Lilian about how much great spirit it can bring into our homes and our lives, and the protections against the adversary, etc. So Matt's really into the histories that he can find. He read a lot about Hans Olaus Sorenson, and is eager to learn more about Grandpa Heber & Mabel...and I had almost nothing to tell him about them!  That's why I went on the famlet asking for stories & memories about them, but no one has responded.

It's NOT that Easy!

I can't believe how hard it is to get in here and POST to my own blog! That's the main reason I rarely do it. By the time I find my way in, I'm either out of time or out of motivation, or have forgotten what I wanted to say!
OK, here's part of what's been spinning around in my head. In beginning to read Becoming your Best, Shallenberger talks about clarifying your goals and dreams. That's as far as I've gotten in the book. Can't get past that. 
Problem is, I've never really had any. I've always been such a follower that I don't think I ever really dreamed any of my own dreams. 
Back in YW, they'd encourage us to set goals to decide the kind of women we wanted to be; decide what we wanted to do with our life. I tended to just think of supporting my future husband in what he needed. I mean, what if I wanted to BE something that ended up conflicting with what he needed. Would not those differences create conflict? Gotta avoid conflict at any price, right? 
So I've grown up (or not) being some sort of shadow; please everyone, don't rock the boat; don't make waves.
Sure, I used to really want a horse. The grown-up reality is that a horse means lots of space, work, money, yadayada. What I probably really had in mind was to have a beautiful horse come a'runnin' when I whistled, easy to ride, mountains to ride up into, and for someone else to take care of all the work and the cost (I've been told you need to count on about $4000/month). I wasn't interested in owning a not-beautiful horse. It had to be Arabian, or Morgan, or .....(To be honest, there's still that little achy dream about that...)
I've always wanted to sail - SUPER unpractical; again, expensive, not realistic. Requires lots of money, ways to get the boat to the lake, etc. And Vic doesn't like water at all, so I'd go alone? Not smart, or as fun. Canoeing or kayaking slightly more possible, but cost, transportation, where to go, who to go with?
Wanted to skydive. Or hang-glide. (Not so much any more). Actually, I still think it would be cool to hang-glide.
Hot air balloon, just once.
River raft.
And the list goes on.
I used to really want to do exciting, active things. I postponed those things on purpose, saying, "I'll give 100% to my kids now, and I'll be 50-something when the youngest is 18-ish; plenty of time to do what I want THEN." I did not realize how tired I'd be at 50, so emotionally fatigued, and that I'd feel a little bit broken.
Some of the list I've given up on because it was just a childhood fantasy, like the beautiful horses that appeared out of nowhere and took care of themselves. Some of the list I've just given up on, realizing they're just not going to happen. The list is tarnished, distant, and it makes me a little sad.
Also, most the stuff I wanted to do when I was younger now seems like SO MUCH TROUBLE as to be not that important to me any more, as an older tired person.  
I'm thinking that those are not the kinds of things the book is referring to. 
I asked Anne today WHY does she keep going to the gym, especially since neither of us feels much progress. I understood that she sees it as an investment in her future, and I can understand that. I'll add that to my short list of WHY and maybe WHAT. 
Kresten Erickson in his homecoming talk said that "The Gospel of Jesus Christ is about BECOMING something. Becoming. That helps.
So INVESTMENT IN THE FUTURE. BECOMING. Sort of the same thing, yeah?